jokes, cartoons, funnies, comics, funny pictures, funny animations

From:    StardrifterII
The Dentist
A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.
A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."
The guy, surprised, says " did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."
One thing led to another and they make love. After they are done, the girl says, You must be a good dentist."
The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?"
"Didn't feel a thing!"

1. Sag, you're It.

2. Hide and go pee.

3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.

4. Kick the bucket

5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over.

6. Musical recliners.

7. Simon says something incoherent

8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy.
Martha's new home

From:    Higlakeana
Never sleep naked on a hammock

From:    Bevybear
The real story behind this seasons rash of hurricanes

Rumor has it that Frances was married to Ivan but was having an affair with
Charley. Charley used her and left, and she went looking for him--mad as
heck. Charley swept through Florida quickly while Frances (a woman scorned)
followed close behind taking her time looking everywhere for him.

Ivan (vacationing in the Caribbean) finally got wind of what happened and is
now looking for his wife and Charley. Ivan has vengeance in his heart and
has the whole gulf coast running for the hills.

Actually Ivan was in the Caribbean with Jeanne and she is now "hot for him".
Which is surprising because she just broke her engagement with Karl who is
out looking for both Ivan and Jeanne. Karl's little sister, Lisa, is trying
to keep him out of trouble. Matthew is Lisa's boyfriend who follows her

And the rest of this story is....


From:    Myndancr
This is an oldie, but cute!
A Polish man married a Canadian girl..
Being in Canada for a year or so;
although his English was far from
perfect, they got along very well.
Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's
office and asked him if he could
arrange a divorce for him, "very quick."

The lawyer said that the speed for
getting a divorce would depend on the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "Ja, Ja, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded.
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, he replied, "we have a two carport, and have never really needed one."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: " All my relations are in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: " Yes, we have Hi fidelity, Stereo set &DVD player with four speakers
- We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."
LAWYER: " No, I mean, "Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I am always up before her".
LAWYER: " Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: " No, she white".
LAWYER: " Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: " She going to kill me."
LAWYER: " What makes you think that?"
POLE: " I got proof."
LAWYER: " What kind of proof?"
POLE: " She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, it says; 'Polish Remover'.

From:    Wacky Jokes
The Drunk Man!
From the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream
reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to
investigate why the drunk is screaming. "What's all the screaming
about in there?" he yells, "You're scaring my customers!"

"I'm just sitting here on the toilet," slurs the drunk, "and every time
I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of
my privates."

With that, the bartender opens the door, looks in and says, "You
idiot! You're sitting on the mop bucket!"
The Statue!
A nun, really needing to go to the bathroom, walked into a neighborhood
pub. The place was hopping with music and dancing but every once in
a while the lights would turn off. Each time after the lights would go out
the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers saw the
nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender, and asked, "May I please use the rest-'

The bartender replied, "I really don't think you should."

"Why not? " the nun asked.

"Well, there is a statue of a naked man in there, and his most private
part is covered only by a fig leaf."

"Nonsense, " said the nun, "I'll just look the other way."

So the bartender showed the nun the door at the top of the stairs, and she
proceeded to the restroom. After a few minutes, she came back out, and the
whole place was hopping with music and dancing again. However, they did
stop just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they
applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us, " said the bartender, "would you like
a drink? "

"But, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see!, " laughed the bartender, "The lights went off and on 10 times while
you were in the restroom and the light only goes out when the fig leaf is lifted
on the statue. Now, how about that drink?"
A talking Clock!
Proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends
late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there
was a big brass gong. "What's that big brass gong?" one of the
guests asked.

"It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," the drunk replied.

"A talking clock? Seriously? Asked his astonished friend.

"Yup," replied the drunk. "How's it work?" the 2nd guest asked,
squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up a hammer,
gave it an ear-shattering pound and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly,
someone on the other side of the wall screamed:
"Youuuu Son..of..a...*****, it's ten past three in the morning!"