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From:  FltBrokeII
Be aware of new car-jacking scheme Imagine:
 You walk across the parking lot, unlock your car and get inside. Then you lock all your doors, start the engine and shift into REVERSE, and you look into the rearview mirror to back out of your parking space and you notice a piece of paper stuck to the middle of the rear window.
So, you shift into PARK, unlock your doors and jump out of your car to remove that paper (or whatever it is) that is obstructing your view... When you reach the back of your car, that is when the car-jackers appear out of nowhere, jump into your car and take off !!
Your engine was running, (ladies would have their purse in the car) and they practically mow you down as they speed off in your car.
Just drive away and remove the paper that is stuck to your window later, and be thankful that you read this email. I hope you will forward this to friends and family...especially to women!
 A purse contains all identification, and you certainly do NOT want someone getting your home address.
They already HAVE your keys!

M/Sgt Terry A. Granell
Illinois State Police,
 Zone 2/East Moline Office (309)752-4915 ext 4939
Alpha Pager (563)327-9894
(AP) -- Some Wal-Mart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount item: Wal-Mart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, California, to produce the spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, R. I. She said, "The right name is important." So, here we go:
The top 12 suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine:
12. Chateau Traileur Parc
11. White Trashfindel
10. Big Red Gulp
9. Grape Expectations
8. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"
7. ASCARbernet
6. Chef Boyardeaux
5. Peanut Noir
4. Chateau des Moines
3. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!
2. World Championship Riesling
And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ....
1. Nasti Spumante
The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with white meat
(Possum) and red meat (squirrel).

From:   ibgokart
Why did the Texan get a dachshund?

Because the sherriff said
get along, little dogie

From:   Robbin Hood
If you take from the rich and give to the poor, are the poor tax deductable?

Random Toons

From:   Doc

Remember guys, vasectomy means never having to say your sorry.
From George Carlin:
A penny saved is a penny earned, but its a complete waste of a deposit slip and it really pisses off the tellers.

From the shit ya need to know files!
Q:  Why do doughnuts have holes?
The question as to why doughnuts have holes has been raised by dozens of bakers over the years, but most agree that the answer to this sticky question lies in the fact that the interior of these fried cakes would not cook fully without a hole in the center. In short, the consistency of a doughnut lacking a hole would be, quite simply, doughy.
Another riveting theory as to the origin of the bulls eye in the doughnut holds that a sea captain named Hanson Gregory, while manning his post one stormy night, found it impossible both to steer his vessel and to eat his fried cake. Out of sheer frustration, and probably out of hunger, he impaled his cake over one of the spokes of the ship's wheel, thereby creating a finger hold with which to grip the cake. Quite pleased with his ingenuity, Mr. Gregory ordered the galley's cook to fry the cakes in that manner henceforth.
Whatever the reason for the hole in the doughnut, this fried cake, with or without a hole, has been incorporated into the diets of people throughout the world for centuries. In fact, archaeologists found petrified fried cakes with holes amongst the artifacts of a primitive Indian tribe.

See, and you thought it was because they was invented in a nudist colony and they needed a better way to carry them.