jokes, cartoons, funnie

From:  Cutchref
A scientist from Texas A&M University has invented a bra that keeps women's breasts from jiggling and prevents the nipples from pushing through the fabric when cold weather sets in.
At a news conference announcing the invention, a large group of men took the scientist outside and kicked the shit out of him.

From:   Bigrstick
THE PENIS STUDY
In 1997, Harvard funded a study to see why the head of a penis was bigger than the rest of it. After one year and $180,000, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex. After the US published the study, Yale decided to do their own study. After $250,000 and 3 years of research, they concluded that the reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex. The University of Mississippi, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study. After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was to keep a man's hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead

Random Toons





From:   Dear Doc

Dear Doc:
After having a series of hemmorroidal flareups this past week, being I sit at my computer for 10 hrs. a day. Should I change my wood bench for a bean bag chair at my computer desk?

Signed: PreppieH the student
Dear Preppie;
It really doesn't matter what you sit on because computers and hemroids have one thing in common. They are both a pain in the ass.
And while we are on the subject, i can tell you from personal experience that Preperation H doesn't work. Not only is it hard to swallow but it taste terrible. Try taking long hot baths to relieve the pain, without your computer.

Dear Doc:
Why do I have the urge to always push all the buttons on the elevator,when I get in?
Am I considered a pusher or is this an abnormality I must endure during an elevator experience?

Signed: Juan Buttonshort
Dear Juan Buttonshort;
If you find yourself pushing all the buttons on an elevator, you don't really have any problems, your just not in any hurry to get where your going.
In this hurry up and me first world, alot of folks could learn from you the one thing most don't seem to have, patients.
I say kick back and enjoy the ride.
Going Up???


From the shit ya need to know files!
Q:  Has the United States almost gone to war because of computer glitches?
Yes, indeed it has. And more than once!
On October 5, 1960 an early-warning system warned the North American Aerospace Defence Command (NORAD) of a massive Soviet nuclear missile strike approaching the United States. What happened is that a fault in a computer system had removed two zeros from the radar's ranging components, detecting the missile attack at 2,500 miles away. The radar was actually detecting a reflection from the moon, located 250,000 miles away.
On June 3, 1980 a massive Soviet missile attack was again registered by computers. 100 nuclear-armed B-52s were immediately put on alert. A computer fault was detected in time, but three days later the same error occurred and again the bombers were put on alert. The problem was later traced to the failure of an integrated circuit in a computer, which was producing random digits representing the number of missiles detected.
On January 10, 1984, Warren Air Force Base in Cheyenne, Wyoming, recorded a message that one of its Minuteman III intercontinental ballistic missiles was about to launch from its silo due to a computer malfunction. To prevent the possible launch, an armoured car was parked on top of the silo.